Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Man Hater. True or False? .... TRUE!

Okay I'm gonna try to shorten this story up as much as possible. Okay so we get back to Rexburg and all is well. I liked Steven but I didn't know how much. We keep seeing each other and then the week of Halloween comes around and we both get swine flu. Fantastic. So we both miss a whole week of school and we just sat around on Halloween night watching movies and stuff. Well I had decided that I needed to end things with Steven because he isn't my type and there were a lot of things about him that were pretty annoying to me. So anyways on Halloween, he kept wanting to come over and I just wanted to spend the day with my room mates and not him really. So I told him I wasn't feeling well and that I was going to take a nap. Well I went to Harrison's instead. I laid on the couch with him and cuddled because he wasn't feeling well. Then I get back home and I walk in my room, and there is a bouquet of really pretty flowers on my desk with a note and a movie. I open up the note and it says something along the lines of Hey Mel, I hope you had a fun night and that you are feeling better. Happy Halloween!   Great! So I call him and apologize and make up some really good excuse for not being there. He comes over a little bit later and we talk. While we are talking he starts up a DTR. He tells me that he really likes me and he thinks that I really like him and that he wants to be my boyfriend. At first I say yes, and then a few minutes later I ask him why he wants to be official with me. He tells me that he really likes me and that he only wants to be with me, and that he doesn't like kissing without being official. Then he asks me why I asked. I told him that I didn't really want to be official but that I still really liked him. That eventually we would be. At the time I was just thinking about how I should have just ended things right then and there. Well another week goes by and we are just going about things as we normally would. And then on Thursday we go on a date. After our date, we sit in his car and talk for about an hour. He tells me that he really doesn't  like being in the middle ground and that he wants me to open up to him. I tell him that I do want to open up to him, but I have a really hard time especially after what my ex did to me. I had a hard time trusting boys with my feelings and I wasn't ready to do that again. I almost started crying. He told me that he understood and that he didn't want to pressure me into moving any further. I told him that I felt like I didn't really know him, that I knew things about him but I didn't KNOW him. That we moved pretty fast and if we needed to we could take a step back.
The next day, Friday, I left for Provo to visit JC and Josh and Liz. JC is my future lover. Well that's what my mom thinks and she is always right. Okay so here I am super excited to see him and thinking that I am going to forget about Steven completely. Nope. I get to Provo and I haven't heard from Steven in a long time. I start to worry. The next day, I text him and he is being super short with me. I really start worrying. I have Jenna, my roommate text him and find out what is going on. I guess he was being pretty short with her too. Well I had a pretty awesome weekend with JC. We went on a little date, and we talked A LOT, and we stared in each others eyes, and it was pretty amazing. Well I get back to Rexburg kinda late, but I really wanted to see him. So I go over to his place and we hug and he kisses me. We talked about our weekends and then I ask him what was wrong. He tells me that he had a very self reflecting weekend, and that he just realized that he needed to change some things about himself. I asked him if he thought about me and he said yes. He told me that he thought about me a lot and that he missed me but at the same time he didn't because he doesn't miss people ever. So I felt a little better about it all. Well I get home and he is texting me like normal which is good. I realized over the weekend and that night, that I should just date him because he was good to me and I had nothing better to do. So I decided that I wanted to make things official. On Monday we have class together but that is all I saw of him. We talked about doing homework together after FHE, so I texted him after FHE and he told me he was talking with friends. Then he asked what I was doing and I told him that I was feeling really really sick. He didn't text me back til the next morning. When he did he said, "Sorry my phone was charging and not with me, what do u want?"  I told him that I wanted him, but that I was okay now. He said sorry. Great were back in this boat. So my whole day was just bad. Then after Devotional, I asked him if he was busy and he said No, do you wanna talk for a little bit before my volleyball practice? and I said Yes please. He came over and we went in my room to talk. he starts talking to me like normal, and then I was just frustrated so I cut him off and asked him what was going on. He tells me that over the weekend he thought a lot about us and what I said. And that he decided he wanted to take a few steps back and go to the part where we are friends but we go on dates every once in a while. That he realized we moved to fast and that we really don't know each other. He wants to be friends but he still wants to hangout and talk, and he wants to take me out every once in a while. I was in shock. I did not see that coming at all. One week this boy is crazy about me and the next he wants to be just friends. What the hell?!?! Moving too fast?!? He set the effing pace!! I told him that I felt differently than I did that Thursday night. That the weekend apart made me realize that I wanted to date him. And now he changed his mind on me? I felt like I was about to start bawling. I tried so hard to keep it together and thankfully I did. He left, and I broke down. I fell in my tracks and started bawling. What had I done? I totally deserved this huh? I asked for this. I did this to myself. And now I have no one. I'm going through pretty much the same thing I did a year ago. I dated another douche bag. Congratulations! What do I do now? I don't want to be the back burner girl. I don't want to be the girl that he knows is always there. The one that will always say yes. The one that when he can't find a date, he asks me. I don't know how to go about this. I don't understand how to go back to being just friends who date, when we've already crossed that line. I've crossed so many lines with him. I met his family! Why is this happening? I have class with him in 7 hours. How am I supposed to act?
Silly please help me!! Anyone please help!